Why Getting Less Done Will Make You Happier

 I've noticed something recently. There will be a week or two when I get super motivated and productive, I clean, I make goals, I set plans with people, I work on projects, and I feel on top of everything! Then, once the week or two timer is up, I crash. I lose all motivation to do anything, dishes go unwashed (unless Ryan does them), clothes pile up by my bed, and I sit in my pjs all day doing nothing. This goes on for another weeks or two, until I get tired of it and start getting motivated to be productive again. Its really quite exhausting, and I wish I could just consistently be productive, but I can't figure out how. 

I was thinking about this the other day, while writing in my planner waiting for my project to dry. There were so many things I felt I needed to be doing. I needed to keep the house clean, plan the meals, work on my career, practice my skills, see my friends, do my exercise, and make sure I have hobbies to do something for myself. Why is there so much??

A couple weeks ago I felt was doing ok managing my chores, until I realized that I was pausing what I was doing to scroll on social media. I thought, "wouldn't it be much better if I spent my "me" time on a hobby instead of scrolling?" So I made a goal to incorporate more hobbies into my life. I think that's when the crash came. I added projects to my already overwhelming to do list. This was too much for me to juggle, and the projects and hobbies didn't feel like the fun outlet they were supposed to be, they just felt like more work and stress. I became overwhelmed with everything I was expecting myself to do, and so I gave up. Hence the crash. 

So while I was pondering the other day, I realized there doesn't have to be so much on my list. Who says I have to do all these things? If my hobbies aren't serving their intended purpose of helping me relax and have fun then why have them?? Ok that might sound a little extreme to some people but let me explain. 

We have so much time in our lives, literally 80 plus years to do and accomplish what we want to. However it seems we tend to convince ourselves that we only have today, this week, or this year to do everything we want to. Which is ridiculous. Why do we need to be learning the piano, practicing our painting, becoming a doctor, and gaining financial independence all at the same time?? I think that if we could just take a step back and get some perspective, we would see that we have lots of life to accomplish our goals, see the world, or learn a new skill. So why try to cram it all in right now?

In contrast to our long lives, our days feel incredibly short. You wake up, eat breakfast and suddenly you're making dinner. The day goes by so fast! So you can imagine that if we try to fit all our hopes and dreams into right now, we're going to end each day disappointed and tired. You can't do everything in one day. If you have chores, school work (for yourself of your kids), piano practice, that trip to see aunt Peggy, a football game to go to, that craft project to finish, and who knows what else, all in one day, not only will you be burnt out, but you also won't have to time to really enjoy any of those things. You'll spend the entire time you're at the football game thinking about what you should make for dinner tomorrow, or the time you have with aunt Peggy planning how long you need to drive home and then to get the kids. You won't be present for or enjoy any of your plans if you don't give yourself the time to. 

With those two ideas in mind (our long lives and short days), why are we trying to do so much right now?

I think that if we can learn to have that perspective (and not feel a need to do everything right now) and learn to prioritize, then we will be much happier and way less stressed. 

Say you have 3 things on your to do list rather than 12. Maybe you have your chores, the trip to see aunt Peggy, and piano practice. Your time with your aunt will be pleasant and memorable for both of you as you are present and attentive, and you won't have to cut off her story to go get the kids because you'll have ample time. You'll remember what you learn better as you practice the piano because your whole attention is on it, and you won't have to cut the practice short to finish something you forgot to do earlier. Maybe your chores will feel more relaxing and less stressful because you can clean or cook at your own pace instead of rushing to get everything done. 

You might ask "what about the football game, the project, and school work? Aren't those important too?" I would agree, but I don't think they all need to be done right now. If we prioritized and said that aunt Peggy was more important to us than the football game, then we wouldn't mind dropping it from our schedule, or planning another day to go. If we decided learning the piano was more important to us than that project we were working on, maybe we wait to do it another day when we have the time. As far as school work goes, if it wasn't a priority then maybe we decide to trust our kids to do it themselves, or since we have more time to work on dinner we have the time to pause every now and then to help them with a problem. 

Decide how many tasks you can realistically fit in a day, not how much you want to accomplish. There will always be things left undone, or accomplishments and goals you can't meet, that is the way of life. That might sound pessimistic to you, but to me its freeing. With this idea in mind I can focus my time and attention on what is really important to me and let other things go without the guilt of "I didn't fulfill my dream". I have always wanted to be in a band,  but my dream of having a family is a priority over that dream, so if I have to let it go or wait til later in life to accomplish it, I won't be upset. The relief of no longer having that expectation for myself to learn guitar right now gives me peace and allows me to focus more on my family. I don't think I'll look back on life and be too sad by the things I didn't accomplish, if the things I did accomplish were more important to me and I was able to do it with all my heart and attention. 

Life isn't just about getting things done, its about making memories and having experiences. If you are always focused on your to do list or what you want to accomplish, you'll miss out on the moments that make life sweet and worth living. We live in a culture so focused on being productive and efficient, but that mindset will leave us feeling drained and wondering what good there is in life. 

Your priorities are your own, I can't say what should be a priority to you, but I think that if you were to schedule your time by what is important to you, then the things you do focus on will fill your day with more joy, and you won't miss the ones you decide to let go. You life will be less stressful as you feel less rushed to get more done and are able to put more of your heart and time into what you do have to do. 

P.S.

Routines are a great way to make the little things you have to do every day feel less overwhelming, like getting ready for the day/for bed, chores, etc. If you can clump all the little things (get dressed, brush your teeth, eat breakfast) into one "to do" that you do in the same order/at the same time every day (a routine) then they won't feel stressful or like they clutter up your to do list. Though if something that could be a routine like getting ready for the day or doing chores is hard or stressful for you maybe it should be one of your prioritized 3 of 4 to do list items. Then once its become part of your routine and its second nature rather than stressful for you then you can move on and add something else to your list.