Taking Charge of Our Thoughts and Our Future

 Do you ever feel like your brain is its own entity, like it "has a mind of its own" (as ironic as that sounds), and like you have no control over it? It makes sense that a lot of us feel that way, with so many voices around us from media, the people we interact with, and our emotions and hormones messing around in there too. Throughout the day we feel bombarded by our own brain, with thoughts of self doubt, confusion, feeling lost or conflicted, anxiety or worry, and so many other things. Its almost like we need a lie detector for our own thoughts!

Wow that's actually a marvelous idea, what if there was a way for us to tell which thoughts were lies and would bring us these negative feelings I mentioned above and which thoughts were truths that would help us move forward through life with strength and confidence?? Well my friends let me present to you the power of affirmations!

Affirmations are things you consciously say to yourself to direct your thoughts. A lot of you may think of affirmations as hokey phrases you say to yourself in the mirror (which they can be sometimes), but there's actually science and psychology to it! If you look at studies on things like the placebo effect they show that your brain is super malleable. If a thought goes through your brain enough it'll become a part of you and have physical effects. Think of how powerful trauma can be in someone's life, or how helpful therapy can be. Certain thought patterns can cause someone to develop depression or anxiety, which both have physical and long lasting effects. If we can harness our thoughts, then we can effect our mood, our physical health, our habits, and our future. 

We may not have control over everything that goes into our brain, but we certainly have control over some of it. When we consciously think things or physically say things to ourselves, we are in a way "manually entering" thoughts into our brain, which can help guide and "program" it. This can be used in two different ways,  to change or redirect negative or unhelpful thought patterns, and to help organize and corral our racing thoughts. The latter is what we would usually think of as affirmations, but I feel like any time we use specific words of phrases to direct our thoughts we are "affirming" a way of thinking (hence the term affirmation). So, let me show you how to use affirmations in the two ways I mentioned above.

Changing Negative Thought Patterns

I think this is the most common way to use affirmations. This is the classic example of telling yourself things like "I am strong, I am smart, I am beautiful" while looking in a mirror, but that's really just the surface of it. Think back to what I said earlier, that if a thought goes through our mind often enough can become a part of us. Think of a time when someone insulted you, maybe they said you were obnoxious, or commented on how big your feet are. You probably thought about that over and over again, because it hurt! But because it cycled through your head so much, you started to believe it, it bought a house and decided to stay a while. 

A lot of the things we are self conscious about come from this type of situation, someone maybe said something in passing (in blatantly to our face) and it hurt us, so we let it stick around. This happens enough and we begin to think that not only are we obnoxious with big feet, but we also have a crooked nose and our hair is an ugly color. Things just start to build up until our self image is totally made up of things other had said to us. Sometimes they come from comparisons we make too, maybe we look at a celebrity we admire and think "wow she has such a nice body, my body looks nothing like hers", and so you begin to think that you have a terrible body just because it doesn't look like hers. 

These thoughts are living rent free in our brains, we did not invite them, yet they are sleeping on our couch and eating our favorite cereal! So how do we kick them out? 

First, we have to weed out the lies and the thoughts that don't serve us. Maybe compile a mental or physical list of all the negative things you think about yourself. Not just the physical insecurities, but the others like how you're a failure, you aren't smart, you aren't good at math, and all the other thoughts that get you into a stupor. Now go through your list and identify, are any of them true? And even if they are true, are they serving you? Are they helping you grow and be confident? If the answer to either of these questions are no, then you don't need them in your head. 

Second, go through each item on your list, and think of some other thought that you could replace it with that would serve or uplift you. Maybe replace "I have such a long neck" with "I have a really nice collarbone", or instead of "I fail at everything I try" replace it with "I have tried a lot of things, and that's really cool" or think of the things you've learned from your "failures". 

If your overall self image is really poor, you could try complimenting yourself every day. When you're getting ready in the morning, think of something you like about yourself. Maybe at the end of the day think of the things you did well. If you feel like every time you try to think of something good something bad comes and stomps on it, then say your good things out loud or write them down. If you feel like every day sucks and you end each day depressed, take time every day to write down the good things that happened or the things you're thankful for.

You don't have to try to convince yourself of something you feel is untrue. If you feel your feet are too big, you don't have to try and convince yourself that they aren't, just focus on something you do like about yourself. If you feel like you have a hard life, you don't have to try to convince yourself that life is great, just try to recognize the good that is in your life. If you feel like you did poorly at something or you did something you aren't proud of, you shouldn't just ignore it, think about what you could do to make it better or what you can learn from it. This turns our thoughts away from negativity and a tendency to think negative towards a tendency to think positive and to grow and solve problems. 

With repetition and practice, over time you can rewire those negative thoughts into positive ones. Your confidence will grow, and the things you don't like about yourself might not go away, but you won't notice them as much. Life is so much better when you focus on the good, I'm not saying you have to ignore the bad, because those things are a part of our life. Recognize it, and then move on. Really your mind will reflect whatever you feed it, if you are always feeding it negativity, you will feel negative all the time, if you feed it positive or good things, you will feel happier! It is definitely hard in the beginning, but as you practice more it will become easier to notice the negative thoughts that come in and to counteract them with something positive! Eventually, you'll notice that those negative thoughts come by less and less. 

Organizing Racing Thoughts

This is the one I struggle with the most! I think a lot of us do, maybe without realizing it. This is things like spiraling thoughts of panic or anxiety, being unable to understand your thoughts or emotions about a certain subject, not being able to get anything done in a day, etc. Its not what we think of when we imagine using affirmations, you may wonder how they could apply to these situations. 

These are situations when we need something to guide and organize our thoughts, to help us make some sense of them and gain some direction. If we can create a list of "truths" to compare our thoughts to, it can help us weed out the unhelpful ones and focus on the important ones!

Here's an example from my own life. I LOVE fashion and personal style, but it is hard for me to know what "my style" is, or what kind of clothes I like. I get so mixed up and frustrated sometimes trying to get dressed or shop for clothes because my thoughts are so jumbled from all the style rules, inspiration pictures, other people's opinions, and Instagram videos rolling around in my head. So, I wrote down a few words that I felt described the clothes I liked wearing and felt comfortable in, as well as the clothes and styles I wanted to wear more. So now I have a list of 3-5 words that remind me the types of clothing pieces to choose and the look I want to create. When I'm in situations where I would normally have to rely on my jumbled thoughts to make a decision, I just think of my list of words and it narrows my thoughts. As I've practiced doing this, I feel the need to do it less and less because I intuitively know what my style is from repeating it to myself so many times. I no longer have to sort through the hoarder piles that make up my brain in order to know my style. This has also given me a lot of confidence. I no longer have to think about other's opinions or what I'm "supposed to wear" based on certain features of myself, I have decided what I like on myself, and that's the only thing I focus on because of my list. 

To use affirmations in this way, you would think of situations where you feel like you can't manage your thoughts, times when you feel like you're thoughts are racing, confusing, or conflicting. Maybe when you have to leave the house you get anxious and start thinking of all the things that could go wrong, or when you sit down for a minute you start feeling the need to be doing something and your mind races with all the things you should be doing. 

Then, assemble a list of words or a guide to help you work through your thoughts. For example, if your mind is racing with anxious thoughts of what could go wrong, maybe you have a "safety list" you go through (Do I know the people I'll be with, is it a safe area, etc.). If it meets all the qualifications on your list, you tell yourself it'll be ok. If you sit down and start thinking of everything you have to do or that you're being lazy, maybe you have a list you go through of expectations for yourself (prepped meal, walked the dog, did 2 chores, etc.), but make it reasonable. If you've done everything on your expectation list, you can tell yourself you've been productive and deserve a rest. Of course you won't be convinced the first several times you do it (it isn't that easy to convince yourself not to be anxious), but if you do it repeatedly, then eventually you will be able to break those spiraling thoughts. Think of this list as your answer key, if your thoughts match the list, they can stay, if they don't, get rid of them. Make sure to keep your list short (5 things at most probably), otherwise you'll confuse yourself further or wind up getting overwhelmed. 

Another example I have from my life I mentioned in another blog post. One area that I am constantly feeling lost, confused, conflicted, and discouraged about is my purpose, my path/life plan, and the future. I find myself constantly overthinking and overanalyzing everything about it. What my next step is, what my career plan is, will I be happy if I take this path, etc. I'm also constantly coming up with new ideas for my future or career ideas. This made college really hard for me, I had so many ideas and thoughts about the future swirling around in my head I couldn't choose a major. I switched majors 6 times, and ended up with a degree that was a hodge podge of certificates that didn't properly prepare me for any one job. These thoughts have blessed me with things like anxiety and depression intermixed with overactive motivation for the last couple years, its been quite the roller coaster. So, what I did recently to help me keep my thoughts in line, is decide what my priorities in life were. If I was on my death bed, what do I want to have accomplished? I came up with 4 things (like show people they're loved, make memories with the people I care about, grow and become better, etc) and wrote them down in my phone where I can always find them. Now, if I ever find myself going down the rabbit hole of the future with a new idea or plan, I can check it with those priorities and see if it matches. If it doesn't I let it go and it doesn't plague my thoughts anymore. 

 

I'm sure you're thinking "this is all fine and dandy but will it work?" the only way you'll know is if you try it, and stick with it! Doing it once or twice will not be enough, think about the years and years of programing that went into the thought patterns you have now, it'll take some times to undo those. Be persistent, as you do it more it'll get easier to remember and correct. And maybe get a friend or loved one in on it with you, maybe they let you know when you're saying something negative about yourself so you can fix it and vice versa. Don't expect yourself to become perfect in a matter of days, or even weeks, maybe even months! Just keep at it. Work on one problem at a time, you can't do it all at once. 

Knowing you have power over your thoughts I think is the first step, you have control over the thoughts that go in your head, your thoughts become your beliefs, you beliefs become your actions, your actions become your habits, and your habits become your character and your future. So keep at it! You have more power than you know!

Any other suggestions for using affirmations or taking charge of your thoughts? Any experiences? Comment them so we can learn from each other!